


Out With A Bang

by Nymphcos



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bad Puns, Blood, Blue just wants her baby to be happy, Everyone loves lance but he cant tell, Klance if you squint, Lance is sad, Langst, M/M, SHEITH - Freeform, Self-Harm, Sorry guys, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love, like really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 12:24:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9820454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nymphcos/pseuds/Nymphcos
Summary: Lance knows he's the least respected paladin. He knows they think he's a failure. The least he can do is try to be of use.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, this is kind of a vent fic. I'm always basing my fics on songs, and this one is based on Monsters Nearby By hi im Case. Let me know about any mistakes!

Lance tweaked a bolt on his lion, smiling when he heard Blue purr.

“There you go baby girl, feel better?” He muttered, humming in pleasure when Blue answered him. The blue paladin leaned back, resting against Blue’s paw. Lance let his eyes fall shut, falling asleep to the hum of Blue's purring. He was glad he had time to bond with Blue like this.

About an hour later, Lance was awoken to a sight he wish he hadn’t witnessed. Obviously Shiro nor Keith realized he was tucked away behind a leg of Blue. He hadn’t known what woke him up until he heard it again. Obviously hushed talking with sides of groans and what sounded like Keith moaning. Lance felt his stomach twist, suddenly losing his breath. He knew it. He should have known. The blue paladin scrambled upright silently, running out of the hangar as fast as he could.

He didn’t even know he was crying until he slowed down, and a drop of water landed on his hand. He ignored it, picking up his pace to a jog. He stopped in front of his room, before sliding in silently. Once the adrenaline was pumped out of his veins, feelings crashed over him. He honestly thought maybe Keith felt something towards him, but that’s not the case. He couldn’t believe himself. He was delusional. Influenced by his own feelings. He should be happy for them. He couldn’t help wanting to rip out his heart.  
Fuck feelings. Just. Put on a smile, tease them about it.

  
Lance shook his head, letting the tears roll down his cheeks, but he didn’t bother wiping them away. He would just suck it up, shove his feelings down. He would tease them, a grin on his face. But for now he might as well get it out. Lance let out a sob, shoving his pillow over his face. He was good at hiding things, but if everyone in the castle could hear him crying, it’d no use.  
He missed home.

He missed his family.

He hated it here.

He wanted to leave.  
But he knew he couldn’t.

“well…I could. They could find another Blue paladin.” Lance whispered to himself, pulling at his hair. He couldn’t breathe.

In the following days, Shiro and Keith had come out that they were dating, and lance threw on a smug look like he already knew. _Of course he did._ Lance made jokes, teased them about it until his heart screamed for him to stop.

In the following days, he stopped sleeping. If he did manage to sleep, he’d wake with scratches his arms. His usually kept nails were bloody and his hair was less shiny.

Hunk noticed.

Hunk found him in the kitchen at the ungodly hours of what he assumed was early morning.

“Lance, bud. What are you doing awake?” Hunk expected Lance's voice to be scratchy with sleep, but he was just met with a shaky, fully awake tone.

"Couldn’t sleep.” Hunk sighed, and observed Lance. Even in the dark light, he could see how bloodshot Lance's eyes were. The bags underneath them. He could see how Lance seemed to move like it was hard to manage. Hunk normally would have passed it off as Lance just having nightmares again, until he got a look at Lance's hands. They were covered in scabs, scratches littering them. Hunk closed his eyes, deciding to leave it until later in the day.

Hunk jolted to present as he woke to Pidge shoving him off his bed.

“Galra, Hunk. Galra!!” Hunk heaved himself out of bed, rushing to get in uniform. When he got out, he noticed Lance was already dressed, looked as if he had been for a while. Hunk let his eyebrows furrow, and he sighed, jogging to the hangars.

Recently, Lance had been neglecting the hangars. Unease bloomed once he walked in and he lost his breath, stumbling a little. When he felt a hand grasp his bicep, he tugged it away, and pushed forward. Keith frowned, watching Lance jog to get to his lion. Once inside Blue, Lance turned off his coms, and collapsed into Blue's pilot seat.

“Blue..” he whispered, resting his head in his hands. He heard purring, and looked up, watching the others leaving. He hurriedly got Blue out of the castle, so not to worry anyone or raise suspicion. He fell into the routine of fighting, glad for a relief from his feelings. Darting his eyes to check on his teammates, he shoved himself in front of a beam headed directly for Keith.

“Keith. Watch your fucking sides.” He snipped, no malice in his voice. He was too emotionally drained. And when news reached him from the castle that a fleet had intruded, he was the first to fly back, practically jumping out of Blue. He noticed Keith was the next to arrive. His heart flopped, and Lance mentally shut it down. He paid no attention to Keith until he noticed Keith had two drones he was fighting off. Lance raised his gun, hitting the second drone in the head. It was a second too late that Lance noticed a drone striking at him.

  
_He felt like he was being ripped apart._

Lance could feel the drone pull out his sword, and then he heard Keith yell. Lance, ignoring the blood soaking his suit, shot the drone before it had a chance to attack again.

_The worst part?_

The pain in his abdomen compared nothing to the pain his heart felt.

The paladin rubbed the corner of his mouth. He couldn’t describe the feeling he had when he saw the blood smeared on the white shiny material.

He couldn’t feel anything.  
_Finally_.

Lance looked at Keith and gave a thumbs up. Keith was staring at lance in horror.

  
A new wave of opponents flooded the hallway, and Lance kept fighting them off, one hand pushing into the cut. He was pretty sure it was straight through his stomach. By now, Lance was positive he couldn’t feel his feet, and was stumbling everywhere. Keith practically shouted into his com system.

“Lance is wounded! Guys please someone help him I’m trying to keep him safe but there’s too many.”

Lance scoffed, "I don't need saving!" and Keith groaned. Shiro answered the com.

“What? Lance is hurt? Pidge. Get down there now and help him to the healing pods.” Everyone could here Lance yell at Keith, and then Keith letting out a half scream of "No lance!”

The line went dead.

Shiro tried to contact both Keith and Lance, but only got static in return.

Until Keith came back.

“Sh-Shiro. Fuck. Guys. He- Lance jumped in front- he-“ Keith was a mess. He was sobbing and hiccupping and he couldn’t breathe. Lance lay at his feet, eyes half lidded. A chuckle caught Keith's attention, and his head snapped to Lance.

“I…always…did…say I’d go out with…a bang.” Lance seemed to be heaving for breath. Keith didn’t dare pull out the sword in Lance's side, scared he would bleed out too much.

They were still in the castle. He could still help. Relief flooded his veins when pidge ran up, eyes watering.

“Pidge help me get him to the pods.” Keith choked out, shaking. Pidge couldn’t speak, but nodded. They were dragging Lance, keeping him at attention whenever he would go to daze off. Eventually, they got him to the pods. Keith, rushing, didn’t bother to strip lance of his suit, just the armor. As he shut the pod, he heard a whisper. An empty promise on the high of death.

  
_Te amo, Keith._

  
Keith wasn’t even sure it was Lance, it wouldn’t be.

When Lance stumbled out of the pod, the other paladins weren’t met with a reaction they wanted. Lance was crying, hitting the floor, screaming about how he wasn’t supposed to be alive. Guilt and anger coasted through Lance's system, ripping him apart.  
They all watched in horror as the blue paladin dug his nails into his arms so hard he drew blood.

“Put me back in. Oh god I wasn’t supposed to wake up. How could you do this to me!?” Lance rose, his bony hands snatched Keith’s jacket, and shoved him against a wall.

“You have the audacity to ruin my life in one day, and then you keep me living after it!?” He was sobbing now, and all Keith could do was stare at Lance, eyes wide. This wasn’t the Lance he knew and it terrified him. He was used to cocky, grinning Lance.

This wasn't his Lance.

He didn’t want this Lance.

He wanted his Lance back. 

Keith felt his back being roughly tossed into a pole, and he groaned, grabbing the back of his head. The red paladin chanced a glance up. Shiro was holding Lance back now, and Lance was fighting against Shiro.

“Just let me go! Let me die please!” Lances voice dropped to a whimper, as he stopped fighting.

“Shiro please..” Keith's heart flipped, and he wondered what he did to make Lance so...unhappy.

It snapped all together.

  
Keith was flooded with a sense of dread, and he stared at the practically withering form of lance. He wondered why he hadn’t noticed how baggy his Paladin suit was getting. Why he didn’t see the bags or the scratches or the bruises.

“Lance..” Keith choked out, and noticed Lance couldn’t even look at him.

“I’m sorry.”

Hunk watched Lance scramble out of Shiro's grip, and drop to his knees. Keith hesitantly scooted close enough to pull Lance into a hug. He felt Lance flinch, and he paused, before continuing the action. Hunk wanted to go back. Wanted to ask Lance why he couldn’t sleep back in the kitchen. He wanted his Lance back.

Not this imposter. 

Lance was supervised every hour of the day, until he had faked enough to seem fine. He still hadn’t slept, and he was itching to be away from someone. To get a chance to be free from scorn and disappointed looks. Guilt gnawed him apart, edging him to the blades in his room at night.

The first night Keith let him sleep alone, Lance lept into action.

Keith found him that morning, splayed out on the floor, face down. The red paladin shook his head, assuming Lance had just tumbled out of bed, until his eyes adjusted to the lighting and saw all the blood. Splatters of it on the walls. Lance's hand laid on his Bayard, discarded never to be used after the last shot. Keith made a choked noise, and started screaming something along the lines of ‘no' and ‘come back!’ Everyone had finally stumbled into the room, and Allura covered her mouth, before running out of the room and throwing up. By now the lights had been switched on. And in the mess of blood on the floor, words were smeared into the floor.

**_Go out with a bang? Get it?_ **

Hunk couldn’t believe it. He woke every night in a sweat.  
_He wanted to go back to that night_.

Keith was holding Lance, begging him to wake up.  
_He shouldn’t have left him alone that night_.

Shiro watched from the doorway.  
_He lost another teammate_.

Pidge shoved through Hunk and allura and hugged Lance, crying into his shoulder.  
_They should have asked_.

Allura was crouched in the hall, covering her mouth.

_She shouldn’t have approved him to be alone._

Coran was silent.

_He lost a son._

  
_They hated that even when he's about to die, Lance can crack a joke._

_Not to mention a dumb pun._


End file.
